I've been suffering with Agoraphobia, anxiety and depression for over 20 years. I will be using this blog to talk about my life then and now. I am hoping that this will help me some and if at all possible help others. I am not a everyday poster so bare with me and be patient with upcoming post.
Until tomorrow!!
Friday, July 10, 2015
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Little bit about me
I have been living with Anxiety for over 20 years, that's a lot of years with this isn't it. I've been suffering with this as far as I can remember. It's taken years to understand why and what events may have taken place for me to end up where I am today. Self therapy I guess you can call it.
I've been contemplating for a while on writing a blog for all to see. There is that fear of others judging me or not understanding why one would put this information out there. Well to be honest I'm not fully sure myself, but I do know this, I think I need to do it for me. If others get something out of this then good.
Now I am not the most word smart person LOL, so if your looking for a book, something well written and in order then you may want to look else where. Sorry but someone with anxiety myself my brain is going in 50 different directions at once. I may not be the most eloquently versed person (yup I used a big word LOL) But what you get is what you see, I am not ashamed of my phobias, they are part of me and I deal with them every day.
I must say though I have sometimes felt like I have a split personality. I have the "NORMAL" person and the Anxiety ridden gal in me. There are days my Normal self will overpower the Anxiety, but plenty of days the old Bitch wins. (sorry for the language)
I can remember being a shy kid, still am shy. School was always tough, making friends was something I never liked doing. I never liked that one on one thing. If someone came up to me that was different but me doing it was another story. I can remember being in 2nd grade and having problems with my teeth, even then I had a fear of the dentist. I was only 8 but sat with the worst pain you can imagine from a cavity to avoid the fear from the dentist, the ridicule I would hear "why haven't you come sooner, you need to take better care of your teeth" Crap I'm a kid and I can't help that I inherited some crappy teeth (my dad had soft teeth had all of them pulled by the time he was 18) This is of course what I think now, then I would cry and get stomach aches not knowing then what was wrong.
Later in my Elementary years, 6th grade I believe, I remember hanging out with a neighbor kid and his sister, things happened that shouldn't have and I was teased about it by this kid and his friends. I with drew, never telling anyone about what happened till I was older I opened up to family. But through later years in school I would get teased and being shy I didn't stand up for myself. Something the Adult in me now is regretting. Some of those kids needed to be put in their place.
I can remember during jr high years being nervous, I would stay out of school a lot, because I would get stomach aches or would have that feeling of something isn't right. My family didn't understand. Now please understand my family I love them and as the years have gone by they understand a lot more than they did then. I am the baby of the bunch. My eldest sister is 13 years older than me, 2 other sisters and my brother the 4th in line is 7 years older. My parents had me later in life, I was their OOPS kid LOL. they were brought up in different times and I don't fault them for anything. I love them and I am very blessed to have them in my life.
There is so much I want to get out and type, but my brain is starting to ramble. So I must get off the computer for now to let this old brain reboot. Until tomorrow!!!
I've been contemplating for a while on writing a blog for all to see. There is that fear of others judging me or not understanding why one would put this information out there. Well to be honest I'm not fully sure myself, but I do know this, I think I need to do it for me. If others get something out of this then good.
Now I am not the most word smart person LOL, so if your looking for a book, something well written and in order then you may want to look else where. Sorry but someone with anxiety myself my brain is going in 50 different directions at once. I may not be the most eloquently versed person (yup I used a big word LOL) But what you get is what you see, I am not ashamed of my phobias, they are part of me and I deal with them every day.
I must say though I have sometimes felt like I have a split personality. I have the "NORMAL" person and the Anxiety ridden gal in me. There are days my Normal self will overpower the Anxiety, but plenty of days the old Bitch wins. (sorry for the language)
I can remember being a shy kid, still am shy. School was always tough, making friends was something I never liked doing. I never liked that one on one thing. If someone came up to me that was different but me doing it was another story. I can remember being in 2nd grade and having problems with my teeth, even then I had a fear of the dentist. I was only 8 but sat with the worst pain you can imagine from a cavity to avoid the fear from the dentist, the ridicule I would hear "why haven't you come sooner, you need to take better care of your teeth" Crap I'm a kid and I can't help that I inherited some crappy teeth (my dad had soft teeth had all of them pulled by the time he was 18) This is of course what I think now, then I would cry and get stomach aches not knowing then what was wrong.
Later in my Elementary years, 6th grade I believe, I remember hanging out with a neighbor kid and his sister, things happened that shouldn't have and I was teased about it by this kid and his friends. I with drew, never telling anyone about what happened till I was older I opened up to family. But through later years in school I would get teased and being shy I didn't stand up for myself. Something the Adult in me now is regretting. Some of those kids needed to be put in their place.
I can remember during jr high years being nervous, I would stay out of school a lot, because I would get stomach aches or would have that feeling of something isn't right. My family didn't understand. Now please understand my family I love them and as the years have gone by they understand a lot more than they did then. I am the baby of the bunch. My eldest sister is 13 years older than me, 2 other sisters and my brother the 4th in line is 7 years older. My parents had me later in life, I was their OOPS kid LOL. they were brought up in different times and I don't fault them for anything. I love them and I am very blessed to have them in my life.
There is so much I want to get out and type, but my brain is starting to ramble. So I must get off the computer for now to let this old brain reboot. Until tomorrow!!!
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